Blessed are the Meek July 30, 2008
Posted by Josiah in Knowledge of God, Life.Tags: Accusation, Friends, Humility, Jesus, Knowledge of God, Love, Meek, Meetings, Mistakes, Offense
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In the last few days I’ve had three people ask for an official meeting with me. It’s not because they want my advice, and it’s not so they can tell me how cool they think I am. All three meetings have one purpose: to point out my mistakes.
I can’t even begin to describe how humbling it is to have my friends — people I really love — take a condescending tone with me saying, “we need to talk,” and then pick apart my life. I don’t have to be humbled by it, I could be offended or aggravated, but there is only one right response to accusation, even untrue accusation, and that’s humility.
It’s a maturity that I only recently came to walk in to humble myself first, and then defend myself afterwards — if at all. It’s hard to take full responsibility for my part when I am 10% of an issue and the person pointing it out is the other 90%. But I am learning.
Blessed are the meek, not that I really care to inherit the Earth, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. Jesus displayed the ultimate example of meekness the day He was crucified; so if I can be meek like Jesus was meek, then I will better understand who He is, right? A———-nd that’s the point.
-J
The Night Watch July 25, 2008
Posted by Josiah in Knowledge of God, Prayer Room, The Night Watch.Tags: Fasting, God, Jesus, Knowledge of God, Night, Nightwatch, Prayer Room, Sleep
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Part of my struggle with being on the night watch thus far has been that I used to get up at 4am and now I’m not going to sleep until 4am. Mostly I’ve just been tired all the time. The last few nights have been a little easier.
I am starting to love the night again. I forgot what it was like to be a night-watcher. There is something about being on the night watch that I’ve never felt when doing “days.” Maybe it’s just the call on my life, or maybe God has a special grace for night-watchers. The prayer room just feels more alive at night to me.
The disciples asked Jesus, “where else could we go? You have the words to eternal life.” As night-watchers we say, “where else could we go? Everything’s closed.” By making my day start at noon and go until 4am or 5am, it just makes sense to live a fasted lifestyle.
Three days ago if asked how I could spend six or seven hours a night in the prayer room I may have said something about commitment, or that the knowledge of God is the most important pursuit in life, or that I knew God wanted me here. But there is more than that, I can feel God’s pleasure in the night so much more than in the day.
I don’t miss the first six hours of the day that much. Never thought very clearly until noon anyway. =)
-J
Get and Have – Part Two July 22, 2008
Posted by Josiah in Knowledge of God, Life, Prayer Room.Tags: Commitment, God, Knowledge of God, Prayer, Prayer Room, Religion, Revelation, Soul, Worship
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Most things — even things that I initially enjoy — eventually turn into a “have to.” I think anything that becomes repetitive has that tendency. So how do I prepare for the day when I walk into the prayer room and realize that I’d rather be somewhere else?
I don’t know. I mean, I’m the guy who stopped going to church just because it was boring. I have made a commitment to the prayer room, so it’s a little different, but it’s still not easy. I know that very soon there is likely to be a monumental struggle in my soul to stay in the prayer room. Here in the prayer room we sing and pray; that’s pretty much it. From the perspective of most mortals that I know of, that’s bound to get boring relatively quickly without a massive revelation of the knowledge of God.
I don’t have the amount of revelation I need yet so when the time comes to suck it up and stay here even though it’s rough, it’s probably going to be commitment — not revelation — that keeps me in the prayer room. The elders around God’s throne do nothing but worship Him. All the time. This causes me to think that the more of God I know, the more time I will want to spend giving Him glory. If I know a little and want to worship a little and the elders know a lot and want to worship a lot, then that makes sense, right?
So, the solution to my soul-ish problem of not wanting to spend a bunch of time in worship and prayer is the knowledge of God. Go figure.
One of these days I’m going to be able to write about something other than the knowledge of God, but not yet. I try to write about other stuff and I keep coming back to it. Sorry if I start to sound like broken record.
-J
Get and Have – Part One July 18, 2008
Posted by Josiah in Knowledge of God, Prayer Room, Work.Tags: Coffee, Dentist, Espresso, God, Kid, Knowledge of God, Perspective, Responsibility, Shot, Starbucks, Work
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I only recently realized the the huge difference between ‘get to’ and ‘have to’. Take for instance a six-year-old kid who’s mom is taking him to the dentist. If he doesn’t like the dentist he might say, “I have to go to the dentist” but if he enjoys the dentist he might say, “I get to go to the dentist.” The only difference is his perspective.
It’s still fresh in my mind what it was like to “have to” wake up at 3:30am in order to go to work. It was killing me all the things that I “had to” do. I don’t mind responsibility, in fact I enjoy it to some extent, but meaningless responsibility was starting to weigh me down. Example: At Starbuck’s, shots of espresso must be used within thirteen seconds or they are supposed to be thrown out. They say a shot “dies” after that and goes bitter. However, coffee connoisseurs the world over agree that shots aren’t “saved” by adding them to milk within thirteen seconds, and Starbuck’s shots are horrible regardless of how quickly you drink them anyway so who cares. The “thirteen-second-rule” is just one example of meaningless responsibility. A “have to” can be annoying enough without feeling that it’s meaningless. Being trivial only makes it less enjoyable, and enjoyment is what makes a “have to” a “get to.”
Going to the prayer room is still a “get to” for me, but I wonder if it will become a “have to.” I don’t want it to be a “have to,” but I can see how it could become one. If I do not encounter God in prayer, if I do not grow in the knowledge of God while I’m crying out to Him in the night, then the prayer room will start to feel meaningless and become a “have to.”
As long as I can see the goal of knowing God — and feel as though I am getting closer to that goal — I will enjoy pursuing God in the night at the prayer room. And as long as I enjoy the pursuit, I will “get to” continue.
-J
Lose-Lose-Win July 14, 2008
Posted by Josiah in Knowledge of God, Life.Tags: Battle, God, Knowledge of God, Mistake, Positive Thinking, Power, Romans 8, War
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I hate a lose-lose situation. It seems that every time I turn around I’m in a position where no-matter what I do, I can’t win. But I have discovered a secret: the lose-lose-win situation.
The lose-lose-win situation is when you are in a lose-lose and you decide to respond well and make it a point to learn from your loss. What you learn from a loss can lead to a win later.
Every loss is an opportunity to become more mature. Every time I make a mistake, I have the opportunity to learn from that mistake.
The lose-lose-win is really just another way of saying “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28). Or in other words: it’s all good. Every circumstance has the potential to make me better, even ones I don’t start well.
I need to look farther down the road than my present situation to see that I come out the other side more mature than I am now. Not in a “power of positive thinking” kind of way, but in a “I know God is using this to draw me to Him” kind of way. My circumstances may suck but God can see the end from the beginning, and He says it’s good for me in the long run.
What causes me to have to die to myself today, can save me from myself later. Like the saying goes, “lost a battle, but won the war.”
-J
Hulk vs. God’s Heroes July 13, 2008
Posted by Josiah in Knowledge of God, Life.Tags: Daniel, Edward Norton, Eric Bana, Fasting, God, Hulk, Knowledge of God, Power, Prayer, Strength, Super, Surrender, Weakness
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I just saw The Hulk last night. I liked the movie (it was much better than the Eric Bana version), but it got me to thinking about our obsession with physical strength.
The Hulk’s only super powers are that he’s really big, really strong, and really tough. Unless being green is a super power, but I don’t think so. He is physical power in it’s most raw form. Strong enough to do anything he wants, overpowering anything in his way.
I was struck by the stark contrast between Hulk and what God’s people look like in the last days. A lifestyle of fasting and prayer isn’t exactly conducive to a body of strength and agility. In fact, it makes me tired and hungry. God’s strength is made perfect in weakness, and that means physical weakness as well as spiritual.
Here’s what I wrote in my journal when I first realized this:
The battle is not for my victory, but for my surrender. It is only after my surrender to God that His victory can be made apparent.
Not very impressive, is it? It’s ironic really; the biggest fight of my life is the struggle to stop fighting. But once I stop fighting is when God goes to war on my behalf, and that is a scary thing.
One of my favorite examples is what Daniel said to the king who required an impossible task, “No one — including me — could possibly do what you ask, but there is a God in heaven who can. I know Him, lemme talk to Him for you.”
Funny how all of life comes down to knowing God. Almost like it’s the only thing that matters…
-J
Reputation July 9, 2008
Posted by Josiah in Knowledge of God, Life.Tags: God, Gossip, Iago, Othello, Reputation, Respect, Roseville, Shakespeare
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“Reputation is an idle and most false imposition: oft got without merit, and lost without deserving. You have lost no reputation at all, unless you repute yourself such a loser.” –Othello
I really don’t put much weight in reputation, and I think that anyone who does is shallow at best. And yet, our culture is built on it. I decide what to buy, where to shop, whether I have a good job, even who to vote for, all based on the reputation of those involved. It’s a sick system of making choices.
I have a great reputation most places. In fact I can go almost anywhere in Roseville and run into someone that likes me and would gladly do me a favor. There are also places that I have a bad reputation. Naturally I don’t like going to those places. If I go somewhere where I have a good reputation I get treated well. If I go somewhere where I have a bad reputation I’m treated poorly. It kinda sucks, actually.
But if I’m not obsessed with getting what I want and making people like me, then my reputation doesn’t even matter.
God keeps different records than people. I want to get to know Him, and then live to make Him happy. Screw worldly reputation. To seek it out is futile, and if you ignore it and live righteously you’ll end up with it anyway.
I’d like to be respected for who I am and the way God sees me, not because some guy’s friend’s wife’s sister heard that I was OK from a guy. Reputation is the daughter of gossip and they like to hurt people together. Ignore them both.
-J
Pedal Power July 5, 2008
Posted by Josiah in Life.Tags: Alternative, Bicycle, Bike, Fixed, Fuel, Gas, Gear, Global Warming, God, Hype, Track
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Over the last month I’ve been building a bicycle to save money on gas and also just for fun. Yesterday I got to the point where I can actually ride it.
It’s a fixed gear bike, or track bike, meaning that the pedals are permanently attached the rear wheel. If the wheel is moving, the pedals are moving; no coasting. Fixed gears have a kind of underground following. I have a couple friends who ride them and got me to make my bike a “fixie.” It’s quite different than riding a normal bike.
I’m looking forward to not driving as much. I think all the hype about global warming is mostly just that: hype. But I believe in taking care of what God has given us, and that includes Earth, so I’m all for bicycles and alternative fuels.
I know this post doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of the ones I’ve written so far, but hey, now you know a little more about me.
-J
Good God, Bad Music – Part Two July 2, 2008
Posted by Josiah in IHOP-KC, Life, Music, Prayer Room.Tags: Academy, Bad, California, Forerunner, God, Harp and Bowl, Holy, IHOP-KC, Music, Musicians, Practice, Prayer Room
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You know those random people who always clap off-tempo or play a tambourine in the front row or sing loudly off-key or play the saxophone? (Just kidding about that last one… sort of). If you wouldn’t put one of them on stage next to a worship leader, why is it OK to allow musicians who are equally distracting on worship teams? There is nothing inherently wrong with any of the things I mentioned — except maybe the saxophone — and many times they glorify God. I’m just saying I would not let them on a stage.
I think that as a musician it’s important in a prayer room setting to be nothing more than a conduit of the Holy Spirit; not showing off how good I am, but not distracting anyone with how bad I am either. I want to be the proverbial finger pointing to the moon.
We don’t have a Forerunner Music Academy here in California, but as a singer and/or guitarist looking to glorify God, I should be practicing and trying to get better with the same vigor that the students there have. And I think that if I’m not then I should question my motives for being on stage. If I want to glorify God, I will want to be the best musician I can be.
In one sentence what I’m saying is this: if something happens in the prayer room that causes someone to look up, I want them to be looking higher than the stage.
-J
