Stand By Night

I only recently realized the the huge difference between ‘get to’ and ‘have to’. Take for instance a six-year-old kid who’s mom is taking him to the dentist. If he doesn’t like the dentist he might say, “I have to go to the dentist” but if he enjoys the dentist he might say, “I get to go to the dentist.” The only difference is his perspective.

It’s still fresh in my mind what it was like to “have to” wake up at 3:30am in order to go to work. It was killing me all the things that I “had to” do. I don’t mind responsibility, in fact I enjoy it to some extent, but meaningless responsibility was starting to weigh me down. Example: At Starbuck’s, shots of espresso must be used within thirteen seconds or they are supposed to be thrown out. They say a shot “dies” after that and goes bitter. However, coffee connoisseurs the world over agree that shots aren’t “saved” by adding them to milk within thirteen seconds, and Starbuck’s shots are horrible regardless of how quickly you drink them anyway so who cares. The “thirteen-second-rule” is just one example of meaningless responsibility. A “have to” can be annoying enough without feeling that it’s meaningless. Being trivial only makes it less enjoyable, and enjoyment is what makes a “have to” a “get to.”

Going to the prayer room is still a “get to” for me, but I wonder if it will become a “have to.” I don’t want it to be a “have to,” but I can see how it could become one. If I do not encounter God in prayer, if I do not grow in the knowledge of God while I’m crying out to Him in the night, then the prayer room will start to feel meaningless and become a “have to.”

As long as I can see the goal of knowing God — and feel as though I am getting closer to that goal — I will enjoy pursuing God in the night at the prayer room. And as long as I enjoy the pursuit, I will “get to” continue.

-J